Who knew it wouldn't hurt? Well, that's not strictly true. It did hurt, quite a lot. But it wasn't the same as having a sword run through your chest. Not even a big one. It was much more about the sudden surprise and the disbelief. And yes, it was a burning, much more like a burning sensation until the blood welled out and began soaking clothes and making it difficult - to do anything.

Then there was panic - just for a moment. One of those, "What do I do? What do I do?" moments. Vague ideas of tying off arteries with tourniquets flitted straight through the brain, but it was all lost in the lush, warm, dizzying rush. And for a moment, I wondered. Well, most people probably don't wonder due to the physiological shock, and I, like most people, was in shock. Still, years of facing this analytically, from the other end of the dagger, sort to speak...I wondered if it would feel cold.

The fall to the floor was almost a relief. Less standy, wobbly - whatever I was doing. More quiet calming, resting. Ending. And it was cold. Not that you ever feel cold in a good way, but this was the bad way. The very bad way.

I suppose the earth moved. I couldn't really tell since I had lost all sensation. Except for the cold. But in the end, I won. Not the day, others did that. I felt the warmth again. I felt the passion again. I understood what it was to be loved again. Not the way that Xander loved me. And I'm not saying that was anything less than wonderful. I felt my soul. Or maybe it was Spike's. Either way, it was hope.